Scaling the Little Mermaid

Song for Hot Water Bottle

2010-01-22T01:31:00.002-05:00

My subsitute heart, quick
remedy for loneliness, I'll fill
your plastic womb with song
and water, remove my socks
and sneak back to bed, into
a nation freed from a world
ravaged by winter.

*I finished a poem from two years ago.

Paralleograms

2010-01-13T23:55:00.004-05:00

Over grub, he mentions for a fifth time how he only shops at Armani. He licks the thick sauce from his fingers to avoid any stains. That's when I notice H sliced parallelograms into his eyebrows. Yes, parallelograms! He spent three hours in a holding cell and now he's fronting as if he was in a high security prison!

Ouch

2009-08-01T15:53:00.007-04:00

I'm back to my old weight! I lost 45lbs with push ups, running, boxing, climbing, and pull ups. However, earlier in July, I ruined my legs. Truth is, I can't land on my feet. I released myself from a high pole and landed on my heels! It's been 3 weeks and I haven't been able to run more than half a mile.

I wanted to buy books for August but my phone bill just kicked my ass with charges.

I had an MJ poem in my head for awhile but it came out all wrong on the page. I've been editing and I think I'm happy with it.

My Cousin's Blog

2008-12-12T15:10:00.003-05:00

My cousin, Pheak, blogs about customizing second handed and cheap material into a fresh pricy look. She rarely updates but when she does I get an email. Here are two new updates I wanted to share as ideas for the holiday season:

The Apron It's funky and cheap to make. Plus there's a picture of tooth-less Melear.

Christmas Tree using dead branches.

Her site has some other neat projects. And most of the items pictured were made by her and G. With that said, she loves comments. Leave them.

What tarot card are you II

2008-10-07T01:07:00.005-04:00

You Are The Hermit

You posses a great deal of wisdom and the ability to see people for who they are. You are always looking ahead at the future, developing visions. A loner, you tend to travel by yourself through life, seeking your own truth. You don't crave material things or fancy titles. You have no baggage.

Your fortune:

It's possible that there is a unknown guiding figure in your life, ready to help you. All you have to do is find this person and seek their advice. It's also possible that you need to start seeking the meaning of your own life. Either way, there's some deep thinking you need to undertake, and it needs to be done soon.

What Tarot Card Are You?

What tarot card are you I

2008-10-07T00:57:00.005-04:00

You Are The Hanging Man

You represent the seeking of enlightenment and spiritual clarity. You tend to confuse others, but your oddities seem deeply satisfying. Self sacrifice is easy for you, especially if it makes you a better person in the end. You are the type of person who is very in touch with your soul and inner spirit.

Your fortune:

Right now is a good time for reflection and meditation. You should stop resisting the problems in your life, and let yourself be vulnerable to them. You may need to sacrifice something important to you to move ahead in your life. Accept your destiny with courage, and learn to let go of what you think you need.

What Tarot Card Are You?

Making up for lost blogs

2008-09-30T23:45:00.008-04:00

My baby brother wants to prevent people from destroying the planet. One more reason to litter I guess. Just kidding. Don't litter.

Recently CY found old pictures on my laptop. These here are my favorite because they reminded me we both had cheekbones 3 years or XY lbs ago. Craziness.

In The Garden

2008-09-30T00:19:00.005-04:00

I had a dream I floated into the Sunken Garden with one leap. There Matt was reading his poem, Flair Gun(I can't remember the exact title!), from the Heart.Complete chapbook. When he finished he vanished to an ovation. Another poet followed and soon vanished. This happened until I was asked if I wanted to read. So I left the gates to grab my laptop in the apartment. But when I exited the garden I woke up. Weird.

Steam

2008-09-30T00:01:00.003-04:00

I had these lyrics looping in my head, "Feel so lonely and I feel so sad/I want a little steam on my clothes" when I was burnt by the steam escaping the rice cooker.

I'm confused about the relationship girls have with one another. To be more precise my girl friends want to meet CY. When they do meet I become the lame dog with three legs. They spend their time together pointing out my flaws and laughing. What's the deal? Can't y'all bond over something else?

My belly is oh so red.

The One U Wanna C

2008-09-23T20:01:00.000-04:00

Forthcoming

2008-09-15T21:48:00.003-04:00

Two of my poems, What I haven't closed & Union, will appear in the upcoming issue of The Cortland Review (42). Woo hoo.

Super Powers

2008-09-11T20:36:00.003-04:00

I am the most transparent person I know. Man, it's so bad I think peripheral vision and a graceful observation are keen superpowers. What I mean is I have no tact. Instead my powers are being a dunce and sometimes kinda charming.

A friend at forty showed me a picture of him at 24 and I responded with, "Wow. You look just as young except for the weight gain! " He bit, "Thanks Mike. That makes me feel much better."

I have really dumb moments such as misreading "Imagining" "I'm a gining, what's that?"

Or..

"I thought we ordered chicken fingers you know (opening-closing my hands like Chicken feet)"

D tells me (D, M, R) had a dinner conversation about how I could sleep with everyone twice and still attend the retreat. Not sure how to take that comment. If I did go I would write and send a poem to exorcise the sexual tensions I feel.

If You're In The Area Come To The Reading!

2008-09-02T19:55:00.004-04:00

The Kundiman & Verlaine reading series is back after a summer's hiatus!This time around we're being joined by other poets of color--Cave Canemfellows!--exemplifying our commitment and pursuit of building and bridgingcommunities. Of course, this'll be the usual Kundiman reading bonanza:potent poetry, delicious libation, stellar company & an overall good time!Mark your calendars & feel free to bring your peeps & help spread the word!

*******Kundiman & Verlaine presenta night of poetry & libation withTara Betts, Rathanak Keo,Dante Micheaux, Sonia Mukherji,& Doreen WangSunday, September 7

Reading begins at 5 pmOpen Bar, 4 - 5 pm$5 suggested donationVerlaine110 Rivington Streetb/w Ludlow & Essex Sts.[ directions: F to Delancey or V to 2nd Ave. ]
http://verlainenyc.com/

Readers' Bios

Tara Betts teaches creative writing at Rutgers University. Her work hasbeen published in several journals and anthologies, including GatheringGround, Callaloo, Essence and both editions of The Spoken Word Revolution. For more information, please visit www.tarabetts.net.

Rathanak Keo is a Kundiman Fellow and his poems have appeared in BoxcarPoetry Review, Stirring Magazine, Shampoo, IBPC, and Best of Mipo-CaféSummer 2007.

Dante Micheaux is an emerging poet whose work has appeared in variousjournals and anthologies. He has been a guest of the Cathedral Church ofSaint John the Divine, among others. His honors include the Oscar WildeAward and fellowships from Cave Canem Foundation and The New York Times Foundation. Micheaux lives in Manhattan.

Sonia Mukherji was born in Calcutta, raised in Maryland, and lives in NewYork. She is a Kundiman fellow, and her poetry has been published in theUS and internationally in literary journals including Shampoo Poetry,Stylus, and Calcutta’s The Little Magazine. She has featured in venues inNew York, Maryland, Austin, and Michigan, and was given an internationalpoetry feature performance in Calcutta, India, which was held at theprestigious cultural institute Nandan, hosted and reviewed by the literaryjournal Bhashanagar, and televised.

Doreen Wang is a poet and community organizer who in her "spare" time,works on exhibitions at Museum of Chinese in America.MISSION STATEMENTKundiman is dedicated to the creation, cultivation and promotion of AsianAmerican poetry.

The Devil's Pleasure

2008-07-29T01:35:00.002-04:00

New poem here

Upon Watching...

2008-07-26T01:27:00.004-04:00

The Streets 2

Finally, a movie about rich kids teaching POC about their culture! And getting accepted in the process! Totally unprepared for that. Sarcasm aside, I enjoyed the movie. It would have been better though if an apple appeared after Tuck, AKA Skate, threw the computer down. Or if Axel got out of the hold by flipping behind the aggressor. Get it? If you did I officially owe you a drink.

ABDC

C and I agreed that The Boogie Bots were simply delicious. Yum. .

The Dark Knight

Still gushing. Edison Chen's brief time on screen was funny because I can't imagine him in clothes!

Take it back y'all, One hop this time, One hop this time

2008-07-19T03:04:00.011-04:00

An entire thought lost. Then a fork. Now two poems?

"Her nipple once rose inside my mouth/like how plums commit to a child’s pull,"

"And our kingdom too must be retold/until it’s doomed into myth,"

And here's the dope. One click this time.

*New Poem It's a draft.

Maybe I'm Pregnant

2008-07-18T01:47:00.007-04:00

Word is I look like fat-boy, Cy's 3 month old cousin, who happens to look like a monk. He's wicked cute. He has all these rolls and reminds me of the youngest brother from Shaolin Soccer. I always bite him and I think that's why he hates me. When he cries I place a pacifier in his mouth. So cute.

*

I'm told the US lifted its ban on mangosteen. That means you don't have to settle for the frozen, canned, or juiced fruits! Believe me, they don't come close! Most of the time the juice is mixed with pear, pineapple, or orange juice.

*

There is a new bill each week. Also I'm helping C since she's on rotations. Next month I will go out and dance. Hopefully it'll be in a different city. We haven't decided which.

Take me somewhere with good fried clams or bright lights.

*

H's google status declared she didn't like Tom Hanks. I've been trying to rent a copy of You Got Mail at the local blockbusters. They each lost their copy (copies). Someone in CT either love him very much or they're out to destroy existing copies.

*

Pho King Boys

2008-06-19T02:13:00.009-04:00

I'm removing old files from the desktop and stumbled upon these bad ass photos. Man, these are old! Five years? We called ourselves PKB, Pho King Breakerz/Boys.

We were geeks growing up and were often mistaken for a multi-cultural club. In our spare time we danced to the 80's in Raph's basement. I miss our guys night out.

Hulk Smash

2008-06-16T13:46:00.003-04:00

She dropped me off today. Woo. I'm happy that Cy is doing rotations next to my house. It makes June weather much more bearable. Today, we are heading to the gym or, perhaps, watch a movie.

Sidenote: I'm tired of the way super moves are executed in a superhero movie.

Excerpt From An Email

2008-06-14T03:08:00.002-04:00

....I think you're feeling weird. I am too and has to be because of this weather. Every time I open the car door I feel nostalgic like some old crush is driving towards me. It renders me dumb like an unsuspecting guest. I want to say no but hug anyways. Immediately, I feel guilty.

*
I've been trying to express this for two weeks now. It finally drew itself out in an email.

POL POT'S BIRTHDAY

2008-06-09T23:57:00.001-04:00

My comment:

Was the terrible translation an inside joke for Cambodians? Also Pol Pot's ethnicity is suspect. I'm convinced the actor is not Khmer. Is that, in itself, a direct criticism of Pol Pot's actions or just bad casting? Lost.

With that said I don't really see the humor.

Heartbroken Taiwan man climbs into morgue freezer

2008-05-28T03:48:00.005-04:00

A new poem here.

Headline: Heartbroken Taiwan man climbs into morgue freezer

Fire

2008-05-26T03:40:00.001-04:00

Bad ass.

Membership renewed

2008-05-22T01:12:00.005-04:00

Me: I've only gain back seven pounds in the past seven months.

R: That's not good.

Me: Yes it is. I haven't worked out since October-November. One pound per month.

R: Think 10 years.

Word

2008-05-12T14:41:00.003-04:00

On Friday I went to an 80's party knowing, full well, that we had to pack and move out before 3PM Saturday. With the exception of D, I don't think the guys faired that well. Some of them were in the wrong decade, the 90s, and many of them were just hipsters rocking white plastic shades. The ladies were right on.

On our way out the door was crowded. So I tried to squeeze thru a few folks with my ass in the air. It was uncalled for and I should have said excuse me. Instead I announced, "I'm too fat for this shit. My bad!". I felt I was in a game of freeze tag: all eyes on me and everyone stiff.

Washed Away

2008-05-10T01:12:00.000-04:00

Washed Away

Poem

2008-05-09T04:35:00.001-04:00

We lost track of time again. R and I kept talking about relationships, stupid people, and that our worlds are each collapsing. Then he proposed a question about failed commitments and the separate lives which follow. Heh, what's this asshole getting at? One terror is good enough for me. Poem. It really made me feel alive. *

80's Night

2008-05-09T03:42:00.008-04:00

S will be hosting an 80's night for his birthday. We're somewhat friends again. This is a perfect time for me to rock my rug jacket, bright shirt, tight jeans, and floral tie with some old kicks. Only problem is I got drunk last weekend for a Bachelor's party.

CY's brother calls me, "Mr. No Drink" since I hardly drink. So they were shocked when I out-chugged everyone including the two wrecking balls. And held my own with (chase-less) shots. As you may know my drinking face is full of funk and terror.

30lbs ago I use to be bad at parties. Which were frequent: drink and flirt, drink and throw up. So I started to limit myself after, almost, dying. My friends kept me up that night with slaps and flashes. I don't recall the event. The photos were terrible, posted and lost on Xanga. So much snot.

Funny, I woke up on S's floor in my boxers and a different shirt. He changed me since I threw up all over myself.

So glad I know my limits now. Woo hoo.

huge mess

2008-05-07T18:19:00.005-04:00

The picture above is my neice, Melear is 5. My nephew, Preston, is 3. I devised a game to keep them quiet. It's called tattle on the baby (whoever sleeps first) and win. Preston keeps winning.

1.

Preston: Melear fell asleep!
Melear: No! No! I'M AWAKE! Preston!
Preston: Uncle, she's asleep! Wake up Melear!
Melear: Stop it.
Preston keeps laughing obnoxiously

2.

Preston: Melear wake up! Uncle she's sleeping.
Me: Yay, you win!
Melear: Preston, you liar! Stop it.
Preston: You're awake!
Preston continues laughing.

3.

Melear: Preston's sleeping.
Preston: No, I'm awake.
Melear is mad.

chaps and poems

2008-05-05T19:27:00.004-04:00

It seems most blogs have been updated with new skins. It's all fresh & funk. The past week has been good to me. I'll blog more about it in a bit.

I also got two chaps. Hoss sent me this cool chap that was neatly assembled. This, too, was gorgeous (thanks Debbie). I forgot all about it which made it, like, a belated bday gift. There's also a new poem up here which was inspired by Helene's postcard poem to Joseph.

* Link fixed

Whack

2008-04-25T22:45:00.004-04:00

"Pehaps, Love", a movie, really messed me up. It was herald as the Chinese Moulin Rouge except with a lot less music. I just hate the ending so I'm rewriting it. Here's the new poem which is still being worked on.

Flash Meeting

2008-04-18T02:08:00.002-04:00

There is a new piece up. It has no line breaks. Check it.

It's a group meeting for people who don't know they're dead.

Joseph Ileto, a hate crime victim, is the host. Chris Kinison, who died committing a hate crime, is being counselled.

I have mixed feelings about the interactions in this piece.

Worms

2008-04-17T01:45:00.006-04:00

Spring arrives with stupid worms crawling nobly into sunlight. Everything is bound to surface, I guess. Here's a poem about it. This is the official second edit. The first attempt was lost. I'll remove it in two days.

I went into the poem with the images of dried worms but now they elude me. I only see haunting figures. Does this call for a new title? I hope not.

Recently, I've started having problems with my endings. I like them but my execution is~~n't even near perfect~~ shitty. They lack the kick in the groin.

WordPress is making me happy. It allows me to see how much traffic my site receives. I average about four a day. I'm sure at least two of them aren't mine. All I need to do now is copy the links from here to there.

Side note: H has already shaved. The hell? It's been only two weeks. We need to make him eat a worm or something. C tells me that you need to drink vodka when eating worms. It disinfects the bacteria.

Unoriginal

2008-04-10T23:23:00.001-04:00

I created a new blog for poetry. Http://www.keoram.wordpress.com. I'll leave this one up for ramblings.

Video

2008-04-09T00:44:00.001-04:00

In Love

2008-04-04T16:43:00.005-04:00

I went into the antique bookstore to find a copy of Monolithos by Jack Gilbert. The owner shows me a copy of The Great Fires and asks, Have you read? I tell him I own it and that Gilbert is my favorite author. So he hands it to me and says, Take it. It's a gift. It was like entering an all you can eat brownie & cookie factory. So happy. I feel bad now. Almost like looting.

It's a signed 1st edition hardcover. This is my most expensive book and I got it for free!

Foolish

2008-04-02T01:44:00.007-04:00

H has agreed not to cut his hair or shave for 6 months granted we give him each $50. If he shaves he'll have to do it in front of us without shaving cream. H reminds me of raccoon with bad hair or the Vietnamese Gene Simmons. I can't decide. I'm sure he will have whiskers and small patches. I think this is simply hilarious but I'm positive there's a better way to spend my money.

Books

2008-03-20T18:38:00.009-04:00

I recently found this bookstore in my town that deals with rare and expensive books. I didn't know how expensive some poetry books were.

Monolithos

Views of Jeopardy

I really want these books but they are far too luxurious at the moment.

*
The other day C got me eight poetry books, and a Ps3 for our anniversary. I need to get Rock Band. That game is addictive even though I've failed every time at the mic. I got her a card, a customed t-shirt, and a cd.

How uneven.

*
Sent three submissions in yesterday.

One month later

2008-03-13T00:12:00.003-04:00

I messed up a submission. Damn.

Freeze tag

2008-03-10T15:58:00.004-04:00

Yes, Helene tagged me!

Here are the rules:
1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere
4. Tag five more blogs with links
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

My six-word autobiography: "Stay. My world hasn't collapsed yet."

I tag: Mika, Jim, Sopheak, Rachel, Giles,

Under my skin

2008-03-07T15:02:00.004-05:00

I saw W yesterday and it felt like seeing an ex. Our friendship died over two years ago. He tried to salvage it but I left.

We use to be best friends since childhood and we'd share secrets. Now there's only small talk and silence. Much silence.

We wander into different rooms.

*

We wandered into different rooms. And if there was a window in both rooms I'd imagine a moon in each. Silence is our own patio. We look up, we look away.
There'd be cars leaving.

I imagine meeting an ex like this at a party.

I won't say, "I can feel you under my skin." outloud. I'm too proud.

Kiss hard until the dial tone surrenders

2008-03-03T03:14:00.001-05:00

This is no drunk dial. No conman
with his tricks and mirrors. It's me,
really. After the break up I've been
very unhappy.

But tonight is different. I'm suited
nicely, clean-shaven, and snuggled
squarely inside a window seat with
gorgeous black shoes.

The window panes are so large
I had to remind myself the ego
cannot be unabasheded even
if framed.

I'm naked except for my good suit.
My hair is slicked back. I smile sincerely,
women approach me first.

They run their fingers up my center,
pause to admire my handsome buttons.
They feast to my neck and stop.

If they devour me there their lips
would frost.

Instead they kiss up a winter storm
in the space between my eyelids.

My waitress seems uneasy by this.
So I tell the waitress I need my salt
but she only brings me more sugar.

Y, since you left fortune finds me
like a bouquet of flowers cast off
into the crooked arms of my
coldest winter.

When you hang up the casket closes

2008-02-29T20:25:00.006-05:00

Y, this is no drunk dial. No conman
with his smoke and tricks. It’s me,
really. After the break up I’ve been
very unhappy.

But tonight is different. I'm suited
nicely, clean-shaven, and snuggled
squarely inside a window seat with
gorgeous black shoes.

The window panes are so large
I had to remind myself the ego
cannot be guarded even when
framed, do you understand?

I’m naked except for my good suit.
My hair is slicked back and I smile.

Women come up to me first.
They run their fingers up my chest,
pausing to admire my handsome buttons.

When their fingers climb to my neck
they stop completely. If they kiss
me here their lips would wither so
they peck my forehead.

My waitress seems uneasy by this.
So I tell the waitress I need my salt
but she only brings me more sugar,
fortune finds me like a bouquet of
flowers shot back into my
coldest winter.

Andy Lau

2008-02-26T20:28:00.006-05:00

I don't understand why he's cradling a dead or dying person in every movie. Or why most Chinese epics are tragedies. I swear all of Andy's characters are probably at Dragon's inn, drinking wine and eating spicy buns. He wasn't even in that movie!

Man, would it really dilute a film if there's a happy ending with him? Oh yeah, Cat and Mouse. That character isn't at the inn he's creating elaborate tricks.

Watching these movies makes me feel lonely because there's always a desert scene or a scene that makes the body feel smaller. And there's sad music. But the person keeps going. How often do you think the energizer bunny meets a person? Not often.

It's like starting a poem with:

This isn't a drunk dial so don't hang up.
You're waiting for the phone to click and if it does, well you've tried. 1 E-prop.

If it doesn't then you keep talking:

Are you still there? I've thrown out so many batteries--

You get 2 E-props for this.

I think people feel more triumph if they set themselves up for defeat.

This post is all of the place, my bad, I just wanted to talk about Andy.

Korean Remake?

2007-12-23T15:38:00.000-05:00

When I saw the poster of Juno last month I thought, are they remaking another Korean flick?

So far Juno looks like the white Jenny and Juno.

I haven't heard or seen anyone credit the original.

Journals

2007-11-20T22:56:00.001-05:00

Helene and I have poems up here at boxcarpoetry.

Mipo is also out here.

Embarcadero Blues by Goh Nakamura

2007-11-15T21:19:00.001-05:00

3 Dish Meal

2007-11-14T14:23:00.001-05:00

Then you arrived, uninvited,

2007-11-14T01:52:00.000-05:00

and after much small talk
I asked about your writing,
when all I wanted to know was
if you were happy with him.

And suddenly I become
a snow storm and parking ban,
a tower of lost calls, a box
of matches in a candlelight
vigil—

the loneliest implosion is
a man speaking to himself.

Have you noticed it too?

Copying Hoss

2007-11-13T16:37:00.000-05:00

Hoss began posting up wonderful recipes and photos. I'm going to post up my creations now.

This is one of my favorite dishes to make. It roughly translates into "Drought Noodles". What's in it?

rice noodles, tamarind pulp, lime, black pepper, shrimp, squid, beef, cilantro, scallions, 3 different hot sauces, housin sauce, soy sauce, sugar, and fried garlic. it's really spicy and normally served with a bowl of hot soup (like pho).

Last minute post

2007-11-09T14:07:00.000-05:00

One more day before the conference. Register it here. It will be open until the morning of the conference. Afterwards you can pay at the door.

Also postcards poem from the Kundis are up at Shampoo.

Published

2007-11-02T18:00:00.000-04:00

I have a poem published at http://www.sundress.net/stirring/

IMPAACT II

2007-10-28T13:50:00.000-04:00

I'm afraid of depth

2007-10-17T01:13:00.000-04:00

Since I was a child I would fear the ocean. What it stood for. It scared me dumb. My nightmares about tsunamis are always vivid.

I was two-almost-three months premature.

My mother leaked the story to Chengyeng last weekend. And revealed a few facts I didn't know.
What was most important was she didn't know what to do when her water broke. Plus I was a few months early. So she waited a day or two to go to the hospital.

The doctors said it was a miracle that the pruned baby was alive.

Chengyeng said, "This explains a lot." And laughed. It was one of those awful laughs like when she went through my baby pictures. Which were followed with lines like "you looked like a kid that would,".

I guess I should fear intimacy too now.

I will bother her in her sleep now.

Dumb It Down

2007-09-28T13:13:00.001-04:00

New Video from Lupe! It's hilarious.

Styles P., Papoose and Lupe Fiasco - Cipher

2007-09-26T21:40:00.001-04:00

Oh snap.

Forthcoming

2007-09-17T22:04:00.001-04:00

I'm excited and sick! My poem, Last Kiss, will appear in Boxcar Poetry.

I will later send out hard copies to Journals. I'm not really good with hard copies or with keeping organized.

Anyhow Kundiman was a huge help! Huge! I heard of some online publication from emails I received from the Kundi-fellows (which sounds like a group of super heroes). I checked them out and really enjoyed them.

Also today we got a keynote speaker! Ishmael Ileto will be the keynote for IMPAACT II.

I hope there's more good news to come.

Fool

2007-09-10T00:55:00.001-04:00

Me being Me

We were sitting on the blue line heading to W-Lot for my car. She folds her head into my shoulders, gets up, lays back. As if we could become one creature if the right position was found.

Anyhow that's getting away from the story at hand. We stopped at a red light and I noticed an ad for a human experiment. Kind of like make up for pigs but without make up. Instead they'll give me drugs. And I was willing to whore myself out with 4 nine hour sessions for $485. Since they were looking for young & healthy men. And I can say I'm one of them now.

I ask her for her phone since I didn't have mine. And she gave me this chat about the dangers of it. Pharmacy students are careful and difficult like filling a propane tank. Then the light turns green and we continue heading to the parking lot. Now I'm rushing. Attempting to remember the number while fumbling for her phone. It was a mess.

We yield at a stop sign. And I lost my chance.

Then I realized, again, how dumb I can be. The ad wasn't a billboard. It was plastered on the bus.

Hahahaha.

Poem

Currently I'm trying to dig deep and write a poem.

All I got though is:

My loves a burning house.
My lovers a fool.

Someone tell her,
even heroes rush in with the intent to escape.

Perhaps it is done. I'm envious of people who come up with good titles.

Nightmare

Had a dream that I was at the beach/cliffs with my cousin and brother. I was taking pictures of an unmanned table full of straw baskets when I realized how big the table looked to the background.

Then it hit me. The water was stories high coming at us. So I ran to them. And since we were on a cliff they were just looking at the wave behind me. Finally another wave comes from in front of me (behind them) and it's atleast 500 feet high.

Everyone was quiet and still. The water never collided it just ascended and fell like spiralling pillars. So the pillars collapsed on the ground and began to rise to their ankles. Shit was real now. And they began running! I drop my phone and camera so I'm swimming since the water has rose to my chest. My cousin tells me to leave it but I refused. Stupid me.

I woke up. Closed my eyes to finish the dream. And remembered struggling before blackening out. I woke up. Tried again.

I think I drowned. Second time dreaming of tsunami waves. Never gets easier. I'm always waking up sweating and breathless.

Maybe it was the decandance of machinary. Oh and I took that picture for a postcard poem to send to someone.

Qwel - 'The Highest Commitment (Live At UGHH.com - 3/28/07)'

2007-08-30T16:10:00.001-04:00

This is lovely.

Burning Away

2007-08-22T19:20:00.000-04:00

Burning Away

You can imagine most things
in my household as alien
to this country,
I do too.

Which possibly means:
my heritage is all bones.

Language, folklore,
the fermented fish developing
in a plastic womb, holocaust tales,

never properly fed—it rots slowly.

~~there is no substance anymore…~~

I imagine watching culture die
must be like watching your mother’s
house burn down,

the needless furniture,
her kitchen, your heirlooms,
all of it gone.

Can you imagine what it’s
like for a mother to stand guard
as her life amounts to just
furnace and frames?

How long it must have seem
for her before it collapsed.

It is so unbearable that you
begin to pray she was still
in there!

Everyday is like this,
and it is just awful.

Second Time

2007-08-21T02:31:00.000-04:00

I mistook hair remover for gel remover again. Whack.

1AM, Stumbling, Drunk

2007-08-19T02:05:00.000-04:00

Z ruined a perfectly bad party. Afterwards I walked with Z many, many miles back to his house. Throughout the ordeal Z kept making incoherent threats at me. I braved on.

Now I'm tired and reveling about how much of a genius Jack Gilbert is. His poem Odyssey starts of with the line, "this means trouble." Maybe I paraphrased it wrong.

Doesn't matter.

What the mind remembers best is a complete playset.

How we spent our time

2007-08-14T23:43:00.000-04:00

R & I were having another heated conversation on privilege. R is really privilege. His father gave him 20G to play (learn how to invest) in the stock market. And there's more dough where that came from. This, afterall, is practice. I am, also, (to a lesser extent) quite privilege.

Anyhow we argued about what privilege was. Besides crooning to 80s and 90s tunes we debated. Privilege for me was the opportunity to realisticly succeed, i.e money, schooling, afterschool programs, networking, etc. To him it was success in the end. The hell?

Also it so happens that privilege comes at a cost. You have the possibility of becoming an asshole that nobody likes, take things for granted, have fake friends, think you will do better than you would eventually do. He is none of that. Except occasional asshole. It appears that he is holding the short end of the stick in life.

He does not understand how some people cannot get what they want. They just need to try harder. Which is to say privilege is up to the individual disregarding any flawed institutions which may factor in the decisions they will make in their lifetime. He loves to believe in merits.

Which is not to say his success now is due largely to his father. He has worked hard, however, he was able to work this hard because of his father's money. What he decides to do in the end is his accomplishment or failure. Others less fortunate than R will not have the same opportunity to choose between falling or flying in the end.

Later R catches himself using the venacular of "if" and "when". As in, "if person1 gets in they will do better" as oppose to "when when person2 gets in they might not want it as much".

Why am I arguing with R? It's because he's my best friend and we have nothing to do on our 30minute ride home from dinner and a bar with V. She just came back from Japan to visit.

In the car we laughed about him being in a fairytale with the music off. Other than that it was yelling. Many years later and we are still unrefined.

Recklessness

2007-08-12T01:54:00.000-04:00

Your love was that of sedans
caught under trees, and
my love for you was a city
drought. All the poems about
us suffocated me like this.

Validating this relationship
with word was the labor
of sprites drowning a forest fire
with only wet blankets.
It never amounted to anything
and they've all perished.

And during these great fires: deer,
foxes, owls, mice and wolves,
forsake the burning oaks & sprites.

I wanted to use them
for a break up letter
if only they had survive.

Waking up

2007-08-09T12:02:00.000-04:00

Today I woke up thinking that all language is humility. Why? I don't really understand it myself.
I might have dreampt someting.

Words don't really express what we mean but isn't that the beauty of being human?

Imperfect, raw, trying and failing? Wait. I remember now.

My dream:

She tells me how many people have left her life before I said my goodbyes. The multitude of it all. Now she droops her head to the left, "see, they have left only their baggage at my door."

And I place my hand on the small of her back. Telling her, "My dear sunflower--you are not on earth to note the wind or rain. But to push through soil."

When did I start dreaming of wack sayings?

Anyhow if I was her I would have unearthed their luggage to see what they hated most about me. Or maybe I'm just nosey.

Lineage for Mika

2007-08-02T15:21:00.000-04:00

How deep can our rooms grow?
A woman was found in Czechoslovakia
Entombed with arrowheads and fur
And jars, but what of it?
She died over three thousand years ago.
The archeologists have examined her life
From the bones, assembled what’s left of hers,
Polished her stones, published the findings,
Renamed her Sally, and released it to the public.

Now look at her nose bridge, the sunken eyes,
Crooked teeth, feint simplicity.
Is this not your Grandmother’s wishful thinking?

You go through whatever photos you have of her
And piece Her life from the colors you can imagine
The black and white to be. The lithe green
Rice fields laboring in the wind, a woman knee deep
In brown water caught plucking or sinking crop,
Her hair red from constant sunlight,
what her voice could
Have sounded like, something sharp as a polished
Machete, as if her scolds had to submit untamed wild
To summon back your father as he wooed
A lover he’ll never speak of again with blue flowers.

This is what you imagine and pass of as
History or poetry.

Understand the dead do not visit us.
It is we who find them.
We search for them. We recognize a part of our
Many difficult selves in them. Overturn them.
Embarrass them. Display them. Speak them.
It is what it is.

So then why can’t our rooms
Dwell as deep as lineage, four stories underground,
Through bedrock?

Let us dig as deep as fireflies searching for
A way out in the sealed jars of their cusped hands
Because the human spirit
Is selfish and afraid of being between two giants.

Being broke

2007-08-02T01:59:00.000-04:00

D and I, broke, had a lunch date planned. But we were both so terribly broke. It was like high school all over & I was $5 too short to cover him. A shame. Instead I ended up going with Matt. We went to Pho Boston which I have sworn off 3-4 times. I needed something nostalgic. And as always food was good. This time there wasn't hair, plastic, workers not washing their hands(didn't see), toenail in tea cup, or roaches. Yay.

Matt signed up at my gym and now I have gym a buddy. It didn't work out with Howard. Which was totally my fault for never showing up.

Many people are coming back into or emerging in my life. It's wonderful. I am waking up to a beautiful August.

I have several postcards done but still haven't sent them out. The hell. Must do. Must do. Must do! Aish.

Diving In

2007-07-31T03:49:00.000-04:00

I don't know how to begin this entry.

I have these symptoms:

-A lump or enlargement in either testicle
-A feeling of heaviness in the scrotum
-A dull ache in the abdomen or groin

Which is 3 out of 7

I had the lump since I can remember but the Doctor said it was nothing abnormal. The dull aches just started. I will have to get this checked out.

I hope it's nothing serious.

Weird Science

2007-07-28T15:06:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen the movie Weird Science? I feel like I'm driving a girl home in the ending scene and leaving without a kiss. That's how I'm feeling. Somewhere between defeated and not giving a fuck and how did I get here?

Sochear has a friend that can get expensive hotel rooms for double digits. So on labor day weekend CY and I will be heading out to Hampton Beach with Sochear & Andre. Which I'm sure will be fun as it always is but at times I just want to retreat. Most likely I will be opting for two different cars. Anyhow I got pissed that she invited more folks. We'll lose the intimacy in the car-ride. And frankly put I need that from her right about now. I'm straying ever so bad.

And she never gets it. I've explain to her some things need to be done just the two of us. Like last week at her grad party. I was exhausted, mildy buzzed, danced-out, and would have preferred to watch a movie. Everyone else wanted to hit the clubs. Which is fine...but her & I weren't feeling it. However, it took her over an hour to say no.

Whatever. I had a lot of fun in NYC. Raph said no after he found out we were going for poetry. I didn't care the drive down was beautiful. CT15 is full of stunning trees on every side! And I was singing along poorly to old songs. My favorite thing was crooning to Ordinary World by Duran Duran and Is She Really Going Out With Him by Joe Jackson. Spazing to TC Civil Service II was dope too!

The Kundi-folks were beautiful as ever. Sonia, Hossanah, and Janine were making fun of me because I thought the oragami cranes were painted in some areas. I didn't get to talk to Joseph much. Patrick was suprisely there & I might see him at the spoken word summit. Afterwards I had about 30 minutes so I went for a stroll with Doreen and Miko. The late night drive back was different...ended going on another route that was just dark.

"M" is my mentee and I'm teaching him how to be charming and challenging. It's tough. My little man keeps doubting my advice. So when he executes it he does it really really late. And it backfires. But when he's quick the ball is back in his court! He was really excited when he first hung up on "J" and she begged him to stay on. And yesterday he had himself a date! Walking him through how to ask her to cancel with her friend/his ex was only challenging because he wouldn't listen. He said something like, "You should hang out with her then." and I'm like NO!!! So we recovered with, "Give me a call afterwards then." To which she goes, "I'll be free before 4..."

The date I'm told went really well in the first half but ended up losing it's spark. We're going to have to work on his conversation skills.

Cy's birthday is coming up Monday. First time I haven't plan anything...We'll see how this goes.

Polaroid Affairs

2007-07-23T03:19:00.000-04:00

I'm about to send out the coolest postcard I've found to the last Kundi-buddy on my list...once I find her address. I've already begun my second round so I hope this makes up for it. The picture of it will be up soon with the poem.

Anyhow it made me realize that a Polaroid (Affair) is something brief, esteemed, and lost. Imagine a tourist buying keepsakes to put in a shoebox or hang on a wall. No one really pulls it out or stops to look at it. Unless..they're sappy like d or they want to show folks we're they've been. We just have it to have it for our own egos & our room grows that much less. The hell is up with that? The idea of a "Flashbulb Romance" has been trivialized to a postcard. Wooo.

But this is how we keep/record our time spent be it vacation and currency, or romances and time.
Somethings are better lost, or even left alone, I guess, or, probably never bought. Hahaha. Postcard will be dope.

This post makes me want to read Doty's Atlantis or sing along poorly at a Boys II Men concert. Whichever one comes my way first.

Now I need to fit this whole thing onto the postcard...Haha just messing.

Yours in esteem.

2007-06-23T16:44:00.000-04:00

Look what I found..

Mixed CD and Support

2007-06-17T01:31:00.000-04:00

I will start writing poems with titles borrowed from APIA Musicians as an exercise. This is the first one.

Character Flaw

I’m jealous of your song,
solemn as prayers,

the midnight I last heard them
my car paused for its benediction.

And I’ve realized: distance is the red light,
a heavy pucker, across an asphalt embrace,

panting revelations like
the starving mouth of a street lamp,

moaning into the left ear of a sidewalk after dark.

Or perhaps I am most jealous of your prayer for fortune,
The escape from Biblical exile,

what we are all avoiding like
red flare and reflective cones to mark collisions and shattered glass,

like “Where are my boxers, honey?”

Or was this instrument just, my

clumsy teeth, vodka-drunk, riding,
the tight strap, of you black bra, the science

of unwinding for, a summer stay?
Good News and Things to Look Forward to

IMPAACT is happy that CHUBB will help sponsor us this year!

New Port, RI for a night with CY. Sunday-Monday.
Regie's show in NYC.
Kundiman Retreat

Writing Exercise

2007-06-13T03:15:00.000-04:00

Postcards fr0m the Sacrifice

i.

En route to Providence

A live chicken has been plucked,
killed, drained and boiled in a pot

big enough to take with it—all
your fears of us—which

I shall not speak of.

ii.

The hard boiled egg under your pillow

With chants can fool your spirit
to thinking it’s the North Star.

And you’ll soon make your way back home
from where we last fought.

Do not count the forsaken slides in the snow covered fields
of our cracked voices.

Because the shell is stubborn as wet snow gloves
and reasoning.

Take out the yolk, examine its texture.

Swallow the egg whole and return home.

iii.

The eyes and feet

Your father tells me that if the chicken’s feet
ball up then do not go far.

That if it’s twisted then do not go anywhere.
If it’s opened then we can leave.

I forgot how to read the eyes.

Cafe Cafe and I took first at IBPC!

2007-06-04T00:22:00.000-04:00

My poem took first! It was first published in Best of Best Mipo-Cafe Summer 2007. The one on the site is an earlier version with an earlier title.

http://www.webdelsol.com/IBPC/winningpoems.html

http://www.webdelsol.com/IBPC/comentary.html

The Journal has many good poems and poets:

http://www.lulu.com/content/873827

Thanks to all who read it and gave me advice on how to improve it.

9915

2007-05-23T02:59:00.001-04:00

Nothing today but a girl,

who pulls the oxygen tube
out of her nose,

and says thru her grandson,
“it hurts to breathe…”

while ivy knots her left wrist
home.

The nurse enters through
curtains stressed by the demands

of x-rays, doses of nitro & needles,
to asks, “Are you okay?”

But how can you be okay?

In Room 9915,
Nothing is complete!

The gown they give exposes
the aging back,

the bed knows nothing of
gravity & draws midway,

the blanket never
covers the torso!

& If not for the
Christ wearied from

hanging crucified
above the door,

you would put faith into fairytale magic & spells.

So then what allows a Buddhist in a Christian hospital to sleep?
Biblical intervention or suspended animation?

Or perhaps, all sufferers are given a wristband
with a name & addressed inscribed

to remind them
the body doesn’t last.

First Line from Ed Bok Lee, AT MIHWANGSA TEMPLE

East Coast Mekong Vernacular

2007-04-27T03:19:00.000-04:00

Brother,

Let us find refuge in
Unabashed love;

The crescent blade
Tucked against your waist
Held like an organ for self flight;

My sac of collected mango pits
I plant for redemption but never sprout
Fruit in this land of many winters;

Let us pawn them all in for;

Tears and honey,
Hummingbirds and misfortune,
Naga and lock gates,

So we may one day burrow our hands so
Deep into a furious hive of dashes and discomfort

That we are fortunate enough
To understand what hold

The spirit is not war and calls to home,

But a monsoon of poetry & weeps
That fastens the mouth

Sweet like Mekong vernacular
Sticky with the weight of America's

Orange blossom.